Intellectual siphons

Great morning good people!

It is 10:03 am, and I am here at my 9 to 5, which oftentime feels like a 5 to 9.  I've been at my place of employment for just about 5 years and to date, I feel like my intelligence quotient score has fallen by at least 30 points.  Do you ever feel like you work with and around intellectual siphons -- people who drain every bit of wit and common sense you have by just being in their presence?  It seems that is ALL i work around.  I can NOT have an intellectual conversation which spurs healthy debate or dialogue UNLESS it is about America's Next Top Model. [side bar: do any of them top model broads get work after leaving that show?]  By definition, to siphon means, "to convey, draw off, or empty by or as if by a siphon —often used with off" as per Webster's Dictionary.  Well, these bastards have emptied what was left of my mental acumen, not because I actively engage in the "unscholarly" debate, but rather for a lack of actual discourse in which issues of substance are discussed; my mind has atrophied.  Now let me also say that flippant discussion has merit as well, just not 100% of the time.  I am one of the first persons to argue over who's the better MC - Biggie or Tupac.  However, I can also discuss how the Campaign for Fiscal Equity's lawsuit will affect NYC educational policy.  And I should not always have to hear things like crunchy cheese doodles go better with a ham & cheese sandwiches as opposed to puffy cheese doodles, or how playing along with WHEEL OF FORTUNE last night, you got all the answers correct, except the last one!  [side bar: wouldn't that mean you STILL LOST?]

Brangelina, Gay couples, and adoption.

Good morning Vietnam!  Yes, I am BACK on U.S. soil and glad to be here once again.  My vacation was great and it was much needed.  I need to quickly devise a scheme (plan) that will make me a multi-millionaire whose money works for him so I can take transcontinental jaunts at the drop of a dime.  While I was gone, several celebrities passed away.  What the hell is up with all these people dying recently? -- Bernie Mac, Isaac Hayes, Congresswoman Tubbs-Jones, Gene Upshaw (president of the NFL Players Association), and SHO NUFF, the shogun of Harlem (from the Last Dragon, if you know not what I speak of, backhand yourself immediately and with force).  May they all rest in peace.  We all need to take time to do what he have and need to do so that we can do what we want to do.  I may bitch and complain from time to time, but hell, I'm NOT ready to go just yet.  In quoting the rapper Nas, "Life's a bitch, but God forbid that bitch divorce me".

[insert awkward transition here]

Ok, onto the subject of this blog.  Brangelina and all them gott damn rainbow coalition kids.  I'm sorry, but I just cant keep count of how many she has (mostly cuz I dont give a FLYING FUCKERY).  I know she just had twins and she adopted the lil Ethiopian girl and lil Asian boy and there are some more in the mix somewhere.  But WHY oh WHY do lily white Angelina and Brad want to adopt other races, ethnicities, nationalities?  Not saying that they shouldnt.....as a matter of fact, I applaud them for being responsible and caring enough to take on the challenge.  But with all the complexities of being a minority in America, how are they going to cope, comfort, explain and/or empathize with [insert lil Ethiopian Brangelina adoptee name here]  when she comes home from school and tells them that someone called her a nigger?  How are they going to cope, comfort, explain and/or empathize with [insert lil Asian Brangelina adoptee name here] when he comes home from school and tells them that someone called him a gook?  How are they going to cope, comfort, explain and/or empathize or deal when [insert lil Ethiopian Brangelina adoptee name here ] and  [insert lil Asian Brangelina adoptee name here] get into an argument and start calling each other all types of niggers and gooks?  God forbid their natural children get into the fracas, then it'll be niggers, and honkeys and gooks, OH MY!!!!! 

And, I was watching some program with a lesbian couple, when one turned to the other and said, "I want to have children with you".  Yeah, I'd like to see that too as you BOTH HAVE VAGINAS.  She should have said that she wanted to RAISE kids with her partner.  With regard to adoption, is that healthy....having two moms or two dads?  Sure, you are putting a child in a home and taking a child out of "the system", but is the trade off the years of therapy that the kids will need from that one time when he/she opened mom & mom's or dad & dad's bedroom door (not that it cant happen with a hetero couple, but for my blogs sake, let me embellish), or the non-stop ribbing they will get from classmates.  Kids are cruel sumbiches and if your classmates know that you have 2 moms or two dads, that's like giving (this gott damn $3.87 per gallon) gasoline to a pyromaniac. 

What say you about this?  

Testimonial...from the high seas

Hey all...its now 6:26pm, Wednesday August 13, 2008, in the year of our lord. Right now, I'm on a cruise ship somewhere between Mexico and the Cayman Islands. And for what its worth, sometimes you just gotta take time out to praise God. Yes, this heathen is thanking the Lord for his manu blessings; health, wealth, wisdom, family, friends. I am fortunate enough to be on this cruise, to have a good job, to be behind in my rent and still have a roof over my head. I am blessed and and I know God and Jesus are holding me down.

And Lord, I am asking you for forgiveness now because I'm sure you'll prolly think a lot less of me come my next post about foreigners who work on U.S. cruise ships.

Amen...and I'm gone.....

Top 4 reasons why BIG girls shouldnt wear bikinis

Greetings people. I am currently sunning myself on a cruise of the western caribbean, and may I tell you, this cruise is a source of inspiration. Check out my top 4 reasons big girls should NOT, under any circumstances, wear bikinis:
4. Your weight is over 100 lbs on ametric scale.
3. Your stomach and it's dimples can be mistaken for an angry face.
2. Your rolls have kids and grandrolls.
1. It's just plain nasty!

The Difference between Black People and White People

I bet you thought I would write some profound, major innate difference between Black people and White people, but, sorry to bust your BUBBLE, there really is no difference. Yes, there are subtle nuances that make each race unique but at the end of the day, we are all human. But, I do have a few questions that I would like answered:

• Why do White people all yell that same "WOOOOOOOOOOO" yell, especially White women? I mean, a White person could be at a funeral for a deceased relative and hear the priest say, "He lived as a decent, humble man", and someone in the pews would break out with that "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!". Do y'all go to school to learn that or is that part of your genetic composition?


• How come Black people have "ALL-WHITE parties" all damn summer long? Damn, can we think of something else....maybe an all PURPLE AND GOLD party or something? And what if a White person showed up naked? Could you really fault them?

I have more questions, but right now, they escape me. I will be back.

The Post office and neighborhood supermarkets

Good people, can someone please explain to me why certain supermarkets and post offices have 50-11 check out aisles and retail service windows respectively, YET, there will only be 2 staff members manning aisle/window #1 and aisle/window #5 ?  And there are usually about 10 other cashiers/staffers who work there in the supermarket/post office but they are on break, or just walking around, eating, or talking some BULLSHIT about another absent employee.  The above picture is the post office located on 125th Street in Harlem.  The picture was taken with my cell phone, hence the poor quality; that and I was rushing to take the picture.  I didn't want the powers that be in the post office to think I was an urban terrorist, taking pictures of a possible target, --like I would want to blow up the post office in Harlem...I'd rather blow up some of the housing projects but that's another post-- so in lieu of being tackled to the ground and beaten with a stack of $.23 cent stamps and bubble wrap, I took a bad pic (forgive me).  But notice (if you can) in the pic, aint a MUTHA fugga working those gott damn windows.  SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT (a la Sen. Clay Davis).

and I'm gone..............

The Michael versus Prince debate rages on!

What's really good, good people?  This morning, I decided to drive to work.  My commute is usually about an hour in length and I decided that the soundtrack for my ride would be none other than Prince's PURPLE RAIN.  In my slighty slanted eyes, that is the BEST album of all time.  There is always some debate about great albums and great artists. One such debate pits Prince's music against that of his contemporary, Michael (or as I've come to know him, Latoya) Jackson.  They frequently have Prince versus Michael Jackson parties.  Both men are musical geniuses (would the plural be geniusi?) and their two albums, PURPLE RAIN and THRILLER, respectively, are the TWO BEST ALBUMS of the '80's and possibly all time. But this post is not about Michael versus Prince in that regard; I wonder if these two men came to blows, no pun intended (and maybe I should rephrase that given the two subjects in question), if these two men had fisticuffs, who do you think would win?  That question itself is a veritable quandry!!!!! In a fight between MJ and Prince who would you side with, who would you ride with? The Gloved One or the Purple Prince?  Lets look at the tale of the tape:

  Michael                  Prince

age:                 50                               50

height:            5' 10"                          5' 2" (without his 6-inch heels)

weight:           emaciated                  100 lbs (with 1,000 quarters in each pocket)

I know some of you think that because Mike be on that Peter Pan sh*t that Prince would get in that arse quick fast in a hurry.  I could see Prince running up on Mike and drop kicking the royal purple sh*t out of him with those heels. "Michael, EYE know U think U can beat me to the break of dawn, but EYE keep a shank in my raspberry beret for bitch-asses like you. Dearly beloved, say goodbye to that thing called life!"

And for some reason, I keep seeing Mike employing that little girl, windmill technique; you know that one where you just flail your arms forward in a circular motion with your head down, not really paying attention to what you are doing, but just hoping that you'd connect and injure the person.  But I really believe it could go both ways with Mike (again, no pun intended).  I think he has bad memories of Joe beating that arse, Tito & Jermaine beating that arse, Janet, Rebe & Latoya picking on him, and MC Hammer calling him out and challenging him. I think that it would be a distinct possibility of him letting out all that pent up frustration on a worthy adversary.  "Prince, I'm gonna moonwalk all over your bitch-ass!  Tee hee! Woo! Chummon!".

 yeah, I said it, and I'm gone.

In Today's Headlines....7/29/08

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080728/ap_on_fe_st/odd_canada_large_family&printer=1;_ylt=AiQRv3IHLuL_xG_2d_mw0d8uQE4F

I randomly surf the web now and again and I came across this little tidbit of news this morning. A woman in Canada recently gave birth to her 18th child...scratch that...a 44-year old woman gave birth to her 18th child. Her guts are RAW and her ovaries are going to fall out one day soon.....just SPLAT (a la the old Batman tv show sound effects) ...on the floor, from overuse. Her fallopian tubes are going to make a run for the Mexican border, disguised as Mexican nationals complete with big mustaches and sombreros.

WHAT THE FUGG yo ? She is 44 with 18 kids in the ano domini 2008. It's not 1908 (shout to all them AKA's). It's not even 1928; it's 2008 and she is 44 with 18 kids. Do they know that we are in the midst of a global financial crisis? Well, maybe it isnt as fugged-up UP NORTH as it is here down-bottom. I wonder how much money they spend on Frosted Flakes and milk. The family either has their own cow, in which case, purchasing milk is not an issue, OR, they use mom's breast milk being that she has been lactating for the past 25 years continuously. And they probably by the off-brand breakfast cereal; not Frosted Flakes, rather Glazed Gobs of Corn Chunks or some shite. But, who am I to judge?

Anywho, once again, I am gone....

You ARE what you eat

Why would ANYONE in their right mind eat any, and I do mean ANY, type of food prepared or sold by someone named "DINTY MOORE" ?? The name alone sounds like an acronym for a bowel movement or an ungodly sex act!!! In the throws of passion, I can hear someone (more than likely myself) saying, "C'mon baby...let me give you just one DINTY MOORE! I promise it wont hurt!".

And you think those little brown things are chunks of beef? Hmph! No thanks, I'll pass. I just lost my appetite.

ROCK & Roll...

With all that is going on in the world, and specifically the Middle East, why do reporters and "peace workers" continue to go over there?? Recently, a WHITE AMERICAN woman was kidnapped and her captors released videos that stated if some female Iraqi prisoners werent released, then they would kill her. WHY do y'all (and my y'all is speaking to specific people, okay, you twisted my arm, I'll say it....Y'ALL CRAZY ARSE WHITE FOLK) want to go over there? Them muh fuggin Middle Easterners aint NEVER SCARED. Dont you see them on t.v.? Their opposition could have guns, a grenade launcher, tanks, and air support and them MUH fuggas be throwing ROCKS back. ROCKS, b!! Mutha fuggin STONES and PEBBLES and sh*t! Those some rock throwin muh fuggas! And suprisingly, they are quite accurate with them rocks! Not to make light of the situation, but I digress.

One hundred plus one more.....and I'm gone!