7 reasons I want to flog my wife with a Chinese noodle!

Some of you may be thrown back by the title of this post, but, before I write anything else, let me preface this post by saying I love my wife. Lord knows I love my wife. I know I am easy to put down, but hard to put up with and I appreciate, respect and admire her. But gott damn it if I dont want to smother her in her sleep sometimes! Geez, she knows how to work my nerves. Below, please find the top 7 reasons I want to smother my wife with a down pillow, or rather flog her with a Chinese noodle:

7. She sometimes uses MY deodorant -- I know the economy has gone south, and the price of everything, including SPIT is up, but damn, is there a deodorant shortage. We can share SECRETS but not that SECRET. Gottt damn! And for the record, NO, I DO NOT, I repeat, I DO NOT wear Secret.

6. She wants to talk during TV shows & basketball games -- Honey, if you're reading this, which I know you're not (and thats the reason I'm even writing this...lol), please, if it is that important, and I am actively engaged, watching the season finale of one of my favorite shows or a basketball game, WRITE IT DOWN. TV shows are usually 1/2 hour or 1 hour and games 2 hours. I will respond in kind when they are done. If the house is burning down around me, just leave me a glass of ice water and save yourself!

5. She done the T.P. or paper towel and dont replace it -- You mean to tell me after you're done wiping your crusty fingers or crusty arse, and you use the last futha muckin square and you are eye to eye with that brown roll, (as if that is not enough of a reminder), that you forget to change the TP or paper towel. So am I supposed to wipe my @ss with that brown roll, or your shower cap, or the sponge? WTF yo?!?! (and yes, i meant to put she done the TP, all my BROOKLYN people know what I'm talking about).

You know what.....I think I will stop here for now (before someone calls or e-mails my wife and tells her about the existence of this blog)! I love you Bubba!

and i'm gone..............