(note: Mrs. Microphone Master, Super Rhyme Maker - I have added you to my blog list so that you can be kept in the loop with my writing....and this post is about you dear!)
Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la BULLsh!t. How can I be jolly with the world's economy and my pockets imploding? Well, at least I have my health, and my teeth, and a lifetime supply of aluminum foil. I swear, I used to think that my grandmother, GOD bless her, used A LOT of aluminum foil....a hell of a lot. If there were ONE solitary pea left over from dinner, it would get wrapped up. A slice of bread, let's get to wrapping.....a lemon wedge, a whole turkey, 3 grains of rice, WATER....yes, it would get wrapped up. But my ever-loving wife has taken the crown.
I swear when I die, my funeral will not be costly because my wife is just gonna wrap my arse in aluminum foil and put me in the refrigerator. My wife wraps EVERYTHING in aluminum foil. I categorically blind myself on a daily basis just going in my refrigerator. Who woulda thunk that I would need special sunglasses to grab some leftovers? That glare from the light in the fridge reflecting off of the foil is worse than looking directly at the sun. And no wonder I still have a tan; I went to the western Caribbean in August...and it's December! Yup, you guessed it - I exercise tan maintenance by going into my refrigerator. The reflected and refracted light from the foil ever so gently kisses my skin, exciting my melanin.
People, just do me a favor. When that time comes, and my number is called and I am no more, please make sure that my wife wraps me in REYNOLDS WRAP. That store bought stuff is no good. Thanks! That's all I ask. And I'm gone......love ya hun! LOL.
I swear when I die, my funeral will not be costly because my wife is just gonna wrap my arse in aluminum foil and put me in the refrigerator. My wife wraps EVERYTHING in aluminum foil. I categorically blind myself on a daily basis just going in my refrigerator. Who woulda thunk that I would need special sunglasses to grab some leftovers? That glare from the light in the fridge reflecting off of the foil is worse than looking directly at the sun. And no wonder I still have a tan; I went to the western Caribbean in August...and it's December! Yup, you guessed it - I exercise tan maintenance by going into my refrigerator. The reflected and refracted light from the foil ever so gently kisses my skin, exciting my melanin.
People, just do me a favor. When that time comes, and my number is called and I am no more, please make sure that my wife wraps me in REYNOLDS WRAP. That store bought stuff is no good. Thanks! That's all I ask. And I'm gone......love ya hun! LOL.
1 comment:
Classic...lol....but so wrong
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